On Late Blooming

This is not going to be the tale of "How Christy Developed at Age 23." Sorry if I got your hopes up!

Lately I've been thinking about how my life has progressed so far. I turned 33 yesterday, I passed my phlebotomy certification course the day before that, and it looks possible that we could move out of this podunk and on to bigger, better things. Then, I got to thinking about how is it people much younger than myself seem to have accomplished so, so much more in less time than I've been on this planet? I have no answer to that beyond they put in the effort. And maybe they went to a better system of schools and had more encouraging family than I did. But no blame here, just mere reflection.

I know I'm not alone in the whole "I don't know what I wanna be when I grow up" department. I do envy those people who have it all figured out by kindergarten. My sister is one of those types. Our brother probably was, too, seems like he was set on mechanic from an early age. They're both Capricorns. Draw your own mystical conclusions. Katie said early on she wanted to be a pediatrician. That has evolved into RN, which she will finish within the next year and a half I believe, then she will move on to a different job, where she can use those skills. Our brother, like our father, is a natural mechanic, and even though he no longer has the job of your typical mechanic, he has found what works for and interests him (and did so before he turned 30.) Meanwhile, I've been unemployed for nearly 2 years now, a chronic job hopper before that, and can't see myself even doing phlebotomy long-term. If I had gone by my abilities from childhood? I'd have probably gone to Vet school. I did threaten to go become a vet tech for a few years, but for whatever reason, never did that.

I think my biggest reasons for this stagnation have been fear of failure and fear of burning out. I'm a perfectionist, so it's a struggle to remember or even believe, that effort is not time wasted, even if you didn't do something as pristinely as you'd imagined. This bleeds into all areas of my life. Making cookies, playing a game, cleaning house, making dinner, even things like screwing up at work in front of the boss. I always feel the need to prove myself, and when I fall short of that, I will remember it for decades after, and continue to berate myself for it- even when I haven't seen whomever may have witnessed my failure in ages, and they likely didn't remember, anyway. For some reason (or combination of them), I never internalized that failure isn't the end of the world, and it's definitely not a good excuse to not finish something. Someone much smarter than I recently told us the story of how many times Thomas Edison failed in his creation of the lightbulb before he got it right. It was somewhere in the neighborhood of 970-something I believe. That is a lot of failure. And when someone poopooed his idea, saying "this will never work- it hasn't for the last 970+ tries," Mr. Edison merely told them that now he knows 970 things that won't work. It was more than he'd know if he hadn't even tried. And think about it, if he had let all that non-success get him down? Maybe we wouldn't have electric light, and so many, many other things we enjoy and take for granted now.

All that said, I've decided that 2014 is the year I stop holding myself back. Because really, it's me. Not family, not lack of money, not a dirty house or whatever other hundreds of excuses I could make. So if you're at a point in your life where you're tired of waiting for things to happen- get off your butt. Stop waiting. Make them happen. Things do not normally land in our laps from the sky. And if your life has not been the greatest lately? My sympathies, certainly, my last few years have been on the shitty side, but that doesn't mean that it has to continue (at least not the parts I can influence, any way. Much as I'd like to have the power to prevent death, I don't.) You can give life a steel toed salute to the balls, and make it your bitch this year. I don't do resolutions, but I have vowed to myself that 2014 is going to be as awesome as I am capable of making it. And even if it doesn't work out that way? No one will be able to say I didn't try. So this late bloomer to life is just starting to blossom.

Another Catch-Up Post

Just a quick pop in to let anyone who may actually be reading this, I'm still alive. Although, I did just get over a particularly rough bout of the flu. I'm fine, alive, well, freaking out over the not-too-distant future. Brian has tendered his resignation from his job of 7 years. I am still not quite finished with my phlebotomy course (plus, there's other frustrations related to that that I'm not sure I will ever widely share. Just a frustrating occurence.)

On a happier note, Christmas was lovely, not quite the same without my grandmother here to celebrate, and my other grandmother didn't have the usual get-together, which still feels off to me. I woke up sick the morning of my immediate family's Christmas, but it was still a good time. It was also the first Chinese food I've had since November. I'm toying with the idea of giving up meat for the billionth time in my life, and other than that, I'm in a not quite rut, but a place of doing a little more than merely trying to figure things out. Or maybe it only feels that way because I actually attended a class that could lead to employment, which is more than I've done since high school.

Hopefully soon I will be back to regular blogging, out of my semi-blahs. I have new makeup goodies to share, possibly a "what I got for Christmas" post (not sure I'm liking those! But I get the interest in what others received), and a new and improved lifestyle/diet change series. So check back soon! Hope your 2014 is going lovely so far :D

My Favorite Movies- Christmas Specials, Part Two

Join me now for the (not at all) dramatic conclusion to Christmas Specials, Part One!

(I have too much free time.)

How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
Oh, how I love the Grinch. A misunderstood, antisocial grump who lives in a cave with his dog, and believes he has the power to prevent an entire holiday from occurring. He has cojones to spare, but I guess when your heart is three sizes too small, you have a bit of extra room. I love the songs, the animation, and the reassurance that (despite my secularism) Christmas doesn't have to come from a store (much as I like that, too), but it is what you make of it. And there are some things that are more important than jing tinglers and who carnio fluxes. Also worth mentioning, my cousin Ashley has this crazed, lunatic smile she sometimes does, and I swear, it makes her look exactly like ol' Grinchy Poo when he's about to engage in some hardcore holiday thievery. You know the one. All his teeth are bared, his antennae (aren't they?) twirl, and he gives his most wickedy-grinchedy grin. It's pure Ashley, that grin. (Ashley does not normally resemble the Grinch. Just when she smiles while feeling particularly wicked.)

Frosty the Snowman
Of all the Rankin-Bass specials, this one has the most comedic appeal, thanks in large part to Jackie Vernon and Jimmy Durante. I always loved the part, after the kids have built Frosty and are shouting out possible names, the youngest one cries out "Oatmeal!" It gets me to this day. My memories tied to it are quite intertwined with also watching Twas the Night Before Christmas, and untangling strands upon strands of lights to put in windows and on the tree. Especially the color lights that had those plastic flower-shaped surrounds. Do they still make those? I always liked them best. Frosty is one of the only four specials made and aired in the 1960s that still airs today (others being Rudolph, Charlie Brown and the Grinch.)  Which explains why you may have never heard of Misters Vernon and Durante. I actually have a story about Jimmy Durante, courtesy of my dad and his brother (my Uncle Richard.) They grew up in/around Burbank in the 60s. One day, I'm not sure whether to be funny or out of genuine desire, they called a local radio station and requested some Jimmy Durante. The dj scoffed and told them no way, because "no one wants to hear Jimmy Durante these days." He was wrong, because none other than Jim Nabors called, and told him he did. This all played out over the airwaves (or so I've been told.) This is why I'm 32 years old, but understand references on a geriatric level. And more relevantly, Christmas isn't Christmas unless I've seen Frosty while decorating. It gets me in that mood.

A Charlie Brown Christmas
If you don't find yourself disgusted, at some point, with all things holiday-related, then you're either Martha Stewart, or you aren't doing it right. Charlie Brown speaks to the disillusioned soul within us all at this time of year. Luckily, Charlie had Linus to remind him, there is real meaning to the holiday season, and it's still there, even when everyone around you is concerned with their own self-serving desires and whims. I believe that is why this special endures. Our society is ever-increasingly driven to acquire the latest of everything (myself included), and seems to be hurtling further and further away from anything meaningful. For Charlie and Linus, it was the birth of Jesus and not letting commercialism ruin their holiday. For me, it's togetherness with family (even though they usually drive me crazy, we're usually able to reign it in for a day) and enjoying all the little, mundane parts of the Holidays that combine to make them special.

Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Of all the specials of all time that ever have aired anywhere, this one is my favorite. More than any other, it reminds me of my dad, making sure we saw it, even if it sometimes meant being a little bit late for a company Christmas party. Much like with Frosty, the holidays just aren't the same without Rudolph. My heart always hurt for the Misfit toys, especially the sad little doll, whose only flaw (according to Romeo Muller and a few websites) was that she didn't feel loved and had low self-esteem. I recall asking my parents what was wrong with her; they never had an answer, so I'd be sure to tell them "I think it's because she doesn't have a nose. But that's ok, because she can talk and cry!" Perhaps I was always secretly hoping to find her under the tree on Christmas morning? Overall, I love a good misfit story, and Rudolph is chock-full of 'em. My sister and I quote this all throughout the year (mainly King Moonracer's "come closer" and "footman! Show them to their chambers," and Sam's "Pull up an ice block.") I've always adored the style this was made in, the music is charmingly done, and should I ever have children, I will carry on the tradition of watching these guys whenever it airs. While it has very little to do with traditional Christmas themes, the idea of being yourself, warts and all, is one of my favorites.

It occurs to me that I have many, many more favorite holiday specials/movies. More than space here would allow. So, I'm considering a part three. Or doing something a bit more specific. Either way, hope you've enjoyed my lists of favorite Christmas specials! They may not be the most original or cutting-edge, but Christmas isn't always about that :) And that's a beautiful thing.

Catch Up

Haven't really posted a lot in the last several weeks, what with it being the holidays and all. I've been sick, been kicking ass in my phlebotomy certification course, and pretty much eating chips like they're about to stop being made.

Yeah, I'm all healthy and awesome and shit.

Haven't hopped back on the TAGT train yet, and I hate to say it's the plan for the new year, because I think new year's resolutions are kind of useless. It's less about feeling pressure to make a big change with the new year, and just the nice sort of lining up of the want to get back into my old healthy habits, and that sort of thing being a little easier to execute in January. No big whoop.

My other hopes for post-holiday madness will be starting my garden from seed- at an appropriate time of year. Last year, I tried it months after I should have, then I was gone helping my sister recover from a wreck. This year, I should be employed and unable to flit off to play Florence Nightingale for ailing relatives. If I'm here to actually look after seedlings and plants, then my hope is I'll be here to harvest the suckers and make preserves and such. I have at least a few plans for posts about that in the new year, so check back :)

Anyway, hopefully everyone's holiday season is not causing too much stress or weight gain. I have a few more Christmas related posts on the way, and possibly some recipes, and maybe some Christmas memories posts. Hope your December is lovely so far :D

My Favorite Movies- Holiday Specials, Part One

I have a secret. It's not a dark secret, not scandalous, and it would probably not in any way affect my future as a state senator. It doesn't involve wetting the bed, the natural color of my hair, or my undying adoration for Tom Petty. I love holiday movies, holiday specials, pretty much holiday anything. I hear your groans, the "we saw this from light years away!" protests. And I admit my transparency. I also admit, I friggin love holiday movies and shows. Here are my favorites, and why I love them so.

Christmas With the Kranks
The first time I saw this was just because it happened to be on tv, and I happen to hate channel surfing. It stars Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis as a couple who decide to take off Christmas, just this once, and the chaos that follows their decision. As much as I love Christmas, I can admit to wanting to just skip out on it and avoid the stress and the calories sometimes. If you don't find yourself tearing up a little when Luther gifts the Scheels then you probably have no soul and should probably be forced to watch Sarah MacLachlan ASPCA commercials until you grow one.

Bad Santa
Certainly not the warmest and fuzziest of all Christmas movies, but definitely one of the funniest. Billy Bob Thornton is Willie, a scuzzy, always sauced professional criminal, whose heist of choice is casing malls while playing Santa. He meets the naive, practically abandoned Thurman Merman, who attempts to befriend Willie, believing he is actually Santa. After learning Thurman's mother left, his father is "climbing mountains" (jailed for embezzlement), and his only guardian is his senile grandmother, Willie moves in. Thurman starts to grow on Willie, and he becomes a sort of father figure. Willie meets bartender Sue (Lauren Graham), gets blackmailed by head of mall security (Bernie Mac), and attempts the heist with his partners in crime, Marcus and Lois (Tony Cox and Lauren Tom), only to find out they have other ideas. Cops come, shots are fired, but in the end, we learn family isn't limited to the one you were born into.

Twas the Night Before Christmas
Based loosely (pretty loosely) on the Clement Clarke Moore poem, this is a Rankin-Bass cartoon about a clockmaker who decides to build a clock to entice Santa to town, after a group of punk-ass adolescent mice write a letter to the local paper, claiming Santa doesn't exist- and sign it "all of us." I loved this one as a child, as it and Frosty remind me of decorating the house and tree. And I also have always loved anthropomorphized mice. And how Albert realizes that sometimes, the adult thing is to have faith in magic.

Home Alone
It seems like everyone should know about this one, and that it only seems right that you see it at least three times every December. Seeing it as a kid made me kind of envious of Kevin, either way, really- he was either going to spend Christmas in Paris, or have his whole huge, lovely home all to himself. Not that he got to choose, but if I may be so bold as to overanalyze this movie, I think his options represent a dichotomy we must all feel, at some time- do we continue with the (possibly tired) traditions, or do we forge our own path to holiday happiness? Plus there's beating the baddies, a mysterious, creepy neighbor, and John Candy. And the house. There is something so early-nineties about it that has stayed with me all this time. I have house envy. It makes me want to move to whatever Chicago suburb this house is located in because house.so.purty. The house used in the film is actually in Winnetka, Illinois, and is currently a tourist attraction about "getting your house in the movies."


Trying to post all of my favorites into one entry apparently caused some hiccup with my computer or Blogger, so I have to split this post into 2. So stay tuned for the epic conclusion of "Holiday Specials, Part One."

TAGT, Day 3

Just a quick update (I may do this everyday, helps with accountability)- today was an improvement over yesterday. Still not 100% but better. I had the dreaded breakfast protein shake (why oh why did I choose vanilla?!?), an apple roughly 2 hours after that. Then, I slept. All. Damn. Day. I woke with glaring pain in both ears, and I have just felt unwell since this past weekend. I thought my sleep last night would be better, but despite hauling my butt to bed at around 1am, trying to sleep while feeling like every breath was full of glass shards, sleep just wasn't going to happen. It could be the crazy weather of late. Or I'm developing asthma! What fun :| It's always something.

Anyway, I still had to do a bit of make-do where meals were concerned. I had lunch very late, and wound up eating a chicken breast sandwich, made with the smaller of the two Hummus is Yummus chicken breasts I made last night. It was really good, and made me think of all the after Thanksgiving turkey sandwiches I've eaten in my life. Dinner was a repeat of last night's (only the chicken was a new flavor), and I tried a little sprinkle of Mrs. Dash's Onion and Herb seasoning on my salad. I think trying new things- even though this plan seems to be the antithesis of that- is key to not getting fed up with this lifestyle. There are so many salt-free seasonings these days, that it should take a while before that happens. (Side note, anyone else tried the new Mrs. Dash seasoning packets? The option to have salt-free tacos is pretty exciting for me. That may be a refuel meal.)

Tomorrow, I am fully prepared for, thanks to Brian. I'll be trying a new veggie side dish, so check back tomorrow for that! :)

The Plan, So Far

There's a saying, about the road to hell being paved with the best intentions. I think that sums up much of my life.

This past Sunday was to be the start of my following the Think and Grow Thin plan. I planned for it (but not very well), but Saturday night, I wound up with a stomach bug or some other sort of intestinal unpleasantness. So my Sunday was spent on the couch, sleeping, or running to the bathroom. My eating was nowhere near what I'd planned to do. I started out not eating very much at all (a sandwich, with about half the meat I normally do), or too much of the wrong stuff (potato chips! Lots of hummus! Stouffer's mac and cheese!) Sunday was just a no go kind of day.

As for Monday, I wasn't awake for breakfast. For lunch, I had a salad instead of the sandwich and chips I'd planned for (I actually had no allowed chips.) The rest of the day I did decently, having apples at snack times, dinner was almost perfect- you're supposed to have brown or long grain wild rice. I only had yellow. I did portion out a cup of it, so at least it's helping develop a habit. I even cooked two more chicken breasts for the next two nights. I like to work ahead sometimes :)

I can say, I'm thankful for the hiccup in my plan, because it reminded me, if something isn't flexible, it will break. I'm going to follow this plan, but with some tweaks that I think are more beneficial to me personally. My #1 trigger food is actually chips. So, despite the fact that I actually control myself fairly well when faced with a bag of baked Lay's, I've decided to have a mixed greens salad in place of the chips. Surely extra veggies won't hurt, right? Other than missing breakfast, having yellow rice and no chips at lunch, I was pretty much on point for everything else. My snacks were apples and yogurt (with chia seeds), my chicken was prepared without added fat or salt, and I actually measured my salad for dinner, instead of grabbing a couple of handfuls and calling it x-amount. I did have some peanut butter and some Fiber One and skim milk after dinner. I'm still about 800-plus calories under goal according to MyFitnessPal, so I think today was a vast improvement, even if it wasn't perfect.

A final note, if you are interested in following this plan and need ideas for seasoning your meats, or you are just looking for good fat/salt free options, I recommend Penzey's Spices. They offer many salt free varieties. I am currently using Sunny Spain, which is a lemon-pepper seasoning, which is great on chicken, tilapia, and would probably be just as tasty sprinkled on salads. Check them out here. And check back tomorrow (later today?) for a crazy-easy chicken recipe!

Weeks 1 & 2, Think and Grow Thin

Today it starts! Three months of massive, life-altering change. Or at least that's the plan.

If you're following along with me on this journey, the plan is this: every other week, I will post about the nutrition plan for that period. On Saturdays, which is the day you're allowed a refuel meal, I hope to post a healthy recipe that I made that day (worry not, no tofu-seaweed wraps here.) Progress will be posted monthly, as will any random thoughts along the way. Also, hoping to post any different and new workouts I try, meaning different or new to me. I have Zumba for Kinect and have tried it once so far. It's something to work up to.

Now onto the meal plan!

For breakfast, I'm going with Option 1, which includes a protein shake made with 8oz water, 6 frozen strawberries, 1 scoop whey protein, and flax seed oil. Since it's easier to come by, I will be taking a flax supplement. Rounding out breakfast is 1 1/3 cups dry, lightly sweetened, whole grain cereal (such as Kashi. I like the really crunchy one.)

First snack of the day is one piece of fresh fruit (choices being apple, orange, pear or mango. I'm going with apples.)

Lunch will be Option 2, which consists of a 12" turkey breast sub on whole wheat, double meat, with mustard. It will be hard to give up cheese, but you're allowed to add romaine lettuce, spinach, tomato, onion, sprouts, vinegar and pepper only. I do like adding plain broccoli slaw to a sandwich, for the crunch, but it's not allowed. For a side, you can choose between a 1oz bag of baked potato chips or one banana. I choose chips, as I hate bananas.

Snack 2 will be 6oz nonfat, no-sugar-added yogurt. I'm debating whether or not this will be artificially sweetened yogurt, or some plain Greek with a tablespoon of Polaner All Fruit or Sugar-Free Smucker's stirred in.

Dinner will be Option 1, which is 8-10oz boneless, skinless chicken or turkey breast, cooked without added fat or salt, 1 tablespoon nonfat sauce, 2 cups of one or a combo of asparagus, spinach, kale, broccoli or green cabbage (I think broccoli slaw would be great for this), and one cup of brown or long grain wild rice.

Snack 3 can be 1/2 an apple or pear, 1 peach, or 1 clementine (I choose clementines, as long as I can find any, otherwise it'll be apples.)

The only drinks allowed are zero-calorie ones. I'm trying to give up soda, and I drink a lot of teas, and really need to work on my water consumption.

The thought of eating the same meals day in and day out is both appealing and kind of soul-sucking all at once. On my own, not thinking about things, I usually do eat the same old things. But having to do so really makes my "you can't boss me around!!" side come rushing to the surface. It's worth it to try if it means improving my health. I will still be using My Fitness Pal to record my meals and workouts, because having to be accountable for my daily behaviors does seem to help keep me on track, and I've been really good about using it for the last few weeks. Refuel meals are not supposed to be an excuse to abandon all good sense and run for the border. I have a few ideas about what I'd like for those days, so look forward to those (hopefully) every Saturday.

So these are weeks 1 and 2! Fingers crossed that I keep it up and it leads to lasting change. Here I go :)

Lifestyle Changes, via Think and Grow Thin

I am fat. There, I said it.

I am fat for a variety of reasons. Initially, I gained a bunch of weight before I began kindergarten (for reasons unknown; I started the summer average sized, and by the end of that summer, I was a little fatty.) I was involved in sports as a kid, I was not fed the junkiest foods (nor the healthiest, but I can promise you, I grew up before feeding your kids solely from the drive-thru was the way things were done), and for at least half of my childhood, I didn't eat sugar (hypoglycemic, threat of bodily harm from mother.) In sixth grade, I started developing an eating disorder, it really took hold in my first couple of years of high school. By the time I was 18, I was probably 150 pounds overweight, and when I actually ate breakfast, it usually consisted of a honey bun, Doritos, and a liter of Mt. Dew. I really wanted to be a vegetarian in high school, which is ironic, as I mostly ate not meat, in a poor attempt to be healthy, but still mostly ate junk. Fast forward six years after high school, I gained even more (mostly after moving in with my now fiance), and here I am now, extremely overweight...no, obese. I am obese. And it sucks and for the most part, I did it to myself. (that does not mean I think it is at all ok to fat shame, to ridicule, or otherwise be a jackass to anyone who is overweight.)

I will be 33 in a little over 3 months, and I am hoping that I have at least made a noticeable dent in my weight loss journey by then. I purchased a book over a year ago that I think will really help me with this. It is titled Think and Grow Thin, by Charles D'Angelo. The basic premise is that you can change your life in 88 days, 12 weeks, three months. The program entails eating the same meals everyday for 2 week periods- the same breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snacks. At the start of each new 2 week period, there is usually some change, such as cutting out the dry cereal allowed in weeks 1-2. It doesn't require anything special (beyond protein powder), and the wherewithal to eat the same damn things daily for 3 months. I figure, no big whoop, I tend to do this anyway. I think it's harder to do when you have to plan for it, if that makes sense. However, I plan to make this work for me by getting back into the habit of planning/cooking ahead, so I have no excuses NOT to keep up with it. You are allowed a "refuel meal" on Saturday, which can be anything you want, but within reason. Which is probably what keeps people from losing it totally and binging on Whataburger and Taco Bell and Krispy Kremes within the span of 45 minutes.

My personal tweaks to this plan include keeping up with My Fitness Pal, which I have been using sporadically throughout this year, and supplementing with a carb blocker called Carb Intercept by Natrol (recommended by my counselor for helping control blood sugar spikes), biotin, chia seeds, and if I ever remember to buy them/have the cash, CoQ10 and flax seed oil, or the 3-6-9 I think mix of the good fats. I really liked that one when I took it. I think it's a mix of flax, fish and some other oil, and doesn't make me feel like I'm burping sushi. Always a good thing :) The fun (hahahahahahaha.....oy vey) starts October 27, and hopefully by that day in January, I will have progressed muchly. I will try to update regularly, and maybe even post dinner ideas (not that there is much wiggle room, but it could be a motivating thing for me.) If you're interested in checking out the plan, Think and Grow Thin is available on Amazon. I feel like I should have posted a review of it, but it's not a new(er) book. I will say, Charles D'Angelo lived what he wrote, there are lots of testimonials from his former clients, and it really does cover almost any aspect of weight loss you could imagine. So stay tuned for October 27, when all the fun begins!

Hey Hey, February

So, I am fully recovered from my birthday of sadness. Now it's time to recover from my engageaversary! Stop looking confused. The engageaversary is a little term I coined (I think I did it, anyway) for those souls who find themselves in long-term engagements. Mine is on year four as of the eighth. Which means in July, we will have been engaged for a wee bit over half of our entire relationship. I find it utterly depressing and exasperating. To the point of never wanting to get married, ever. Really, these things are not meant to be drug out so damn long. Once the shine wears off, you're left with someone whom you're lucky if you can tolerate, you swear you should have eloped 3.5 years ago, you hate all brides, everywhere, and impending nuptials of friends and family send you into fits of rage and jealousy. Or is that just me? 

Yeah....I remember being excited over the thought of getting married. Somewhere around aught-nine. It was a simpler time. Simpler in that, I was filled with rage for totally different reasons. Halcyon days of 4 years ago.

Anyhoo, I am not all doom, gloom and homicidal rages currently. I actually kind of like this time of year. Sometimes the weather is nice, sometimes we get snow (ahem, ice), there is chocolate around every corner, and Easter is not too far away. It's the most wonderful time of the year, if you're into pastels. And I so am! Seriously, these early in the year holidays make me miss elementary school. Except for my inability to ever locate a prize egg during Easter hunts. Yes, I will carry this to my grave. I have more baggage than Samsonite. But yes, I adored the parties, the cupcakes, the arts and crafts involved in the days prior. I even liked addressing each and every valentine card to each and every classmate. As well as trying to pick out the one for each and every boy I had a crush on. It had to convey my exact feelings, but be subtle. Nothing says "I'd like to be more than just that fat girl you detest," like George Jetson relating our mutual happiness if nameless recipient would only be my valentine. Spoiler: no valentines for me until I was 24, and even then, it took almost 8 years to get my first heart full of chocolates. Russell Stover can be my valentine any day.

I'm pretty sure I actually handed out these one year. Partly because I recognized the one with Rosie, and partly because I've always hated the Flintstones.

In other news, I'm excited to announce to no one in particular, I have located green zinnias. Big friggin whoop, you may be thinking. It is to me, as last year I ordered some that never arrived. Which led to a months-long battle with Park Seed Co. But now I have my green zinnia seeds, which will go great with the purple ones, and I'm already excited for summer. Which hasn't happened since the 90s.

Happy (late) Valentine's Day!

I normally don't give a crap about Valentines day. It is my late aunt Rhonda's bday, and she loved all the hearts and teddy bears and reds and pinks associated with February 14th...she really was how you would expect someone born on that day to be :) and my grandma always said she was the only little girl born in that hospital on that day, which was kinda cool. So happy (late) birthday, aunt Rhonda, I hope you are having a fun day wherever you are!

I've never received flowers, candy, stuffed animals, or fancy cards (beyond school party ones) for this day. So I told Brian this year, I want a big heart full of chocolates. He'd brought home a little box of mixed Rochers a couple weeks ago, which I happily shared, and would happily consume at any time. I love those things. So, when yesterday  passed, sans candy, I was let down. Especially after I shared my pitiful sob story about how never once did a guy give me jack for Vday. I can't actually recall if I ever had a boyfriend for the day, honestly. Now that I think about it, there's only been him, as he's my longest relationship. Which lends a new level of sadness, because in the nearly 8 years we have been together, I have only been taken out to dinner maybe once. When he arrived home today, with sinus medicine and seemingly no heart full of candy, I was more than a little hurt. Then, he whipped it out-

Exactly what I've always wanted :) I think the raspberry caramels are my favorites. I know it's cheesy to care about Valentine's day, but sometimes you just want some chocolate. I'm not the red roses, stuffed animals type, but chocolates, they are the way to go. Italian food doesn't hurt, either. Hope you had a lovely Valentine's day, filled with the tokens of your liking! <3 p="">

Unhappy Birthday

Today marks two things. One, the date of my birth, and two, the day I completely stop giving one flying rat's ass about it. I'm 32, and that is apparently the year that nothing happens and few remember. Like 16 Candles, multiplied by 2 and minus Jake Ryan. The day began with wanton abandonment via the fiance, involved a mystery trip to my house by my parents that I was not even aware happened, some well wishers on facebook, and a trip to Olive Garden (grilled toscana chicken. Good stuff.)
So now I'm stuffed, sad, and swearing off birthdays. Unless you live near people you like/see regularly, have money, or are turning 1/10/16/18/21, birthdays are a crock, a sham, and I want no part of it. It's my party, and I'll wallow in misery if I want to. Minus the party. Pardon my self pity (it's possible I'm too old to feel this way; it's actuality that I don't care), but i'm going to be sad for a bit. It's also still foreign to me to not get a call from my grandma. So, allow me my meltdown and I should be good sometime around the time time travel is perfected.

Another Christmas Post

Yeah, this is kind of (kind of?!?!) late, and I am not one to feel the urge to show the world every little thing I receive, but it is a blogging tradition, and really, what else do I have to blab about? With that, I bring you my first ever "what Santa brought me" post. In January.

First of all, I GOT A CAMERA!! I could end this post right now and be a very happy camper. It's  a Nikon Coolpix in plum, which is very nice. I still need a memory card, but I've already had fun with it, and can't wait to get my greedy little clutches on a memory card.

Next up, an Ulta gift card for $50, which became an Urban Decay Sustainable shadow palette, two Organix 3 piece travel sets (love the Brazilian Ever Straight set), which were BOGO free, and I still have $10 left. The palette was half price, and let me tell you, there is nothing I love more than using a gift card during a sale.

My niece, Mady, let me know that the gift from her (and my brother), was picked out, purchased, and possibly even wrapped solely by her lonesome. Not bad for a 5 year old. I was told well before time, that it was picked (by my brother) because I "will never grow up." I guessed that it was a stuffed animal by examining the box. It's a stuffed Hello Kitty, and she looks like she's dressed to flamenco dance. She and my pink poodle-y HK will live in my crafts room, as soon as it's cleared and ready. And thank you Moosy and George, I love it! 

From the sister, I got one of those nail stamping kits, which has led to me cussing when my favorite design won't stamp properly. And perusing Amazon for Cheeky plates. And even more polish. She also gave me a peacock themed pad, which is adorable and living in my purse. I can never have too many pens or pads.

Also among my loot, were fuzzy pajamas (soooooooo so so good), underthings, half a set of the taco bowl molds (other half went to Kaemae), the Sweet on Paris BBW spray, and a Christmas scent warmer. Even though we didn't have it on December 25, I think I would vote to plan the next one out this way again. We had a huge breakfast, watched tv, opened presents, and made pizzas. I'm not really big on change, and that especially extends to holidays, but this change wasn't so bad. And I'm already planning for the next one :)

A Merry Little Jaunt

So, here's something about me maybe no one else knows- Christmas lights are my boyfriend. In rational, not-so-nutsy terms, that just means "I really, really like Christmas lights." I have long enjoyed sitting alone at night in the living room, staring at the lit tree. Sometimes with cocoa. Sometimes sobbing. The holidays can be a sad time! I was also a fan of sneaking the ornaments out to play with during the rest of the year, but that's another story for....never.

Getting back, I heart lights of the yuletide variety. Growing up, my family would take trips to a town called Natchitoches (Nack-eh-tish), to view their light display. Here's the deal regarding Natchitoches- it's maybe the oldest settlement in La, Steel Magnolias and an episode of Ghost Adventures were filmed there, and they have meat pies. It's kind of like New Orleans north, except smaller, less crowded, and not smelly. As this relates to now, they have a Christmas festival, the main event being the displays of lighted designs on the river. I've never actually been for the big party with fireworks and funnel cake, but have several times gone on the 45ish minute car ride, singing carols with cousins, eating M&Ms, getting gum stuck on my jeans, to ooh and ah over these huge, lit up ornaments. If you have always enjoyed gawking at lit homes during the holiday season, then Natchitoches is for you! Plus, you know, sometimes there's funnel cake.

The carousel reminds me of my grandma. Miss you, gammer!

 For more about Natchitoches and the Christmas Festival, click here. Also, don't question my sanity due to posting about a holiday that was two weeks ago, I won't be celebrating for yet another two weeks. Kinda like in Almost Famous, but with less sticking it to "the man," and more procrastination.

(Also, please do pardon my amateur hour photography. All I have is a cell phone. Surely this coming Christmas, Santa will take pity on me and bring me a Nikon?)

Ode to 2012

Dear year,
You were a rotten sot,
You, devoid of any bon mot,
I'd like to flush you down the toilet,
Alas, I'm afraid, my plumbing...you'd spoil it.
2012, do kiss my ass,
2012, you harlot lass,
I hated you with every fiber of my being,
2012, no more of you will I be seeing.
I've never claimed to be a poet (despite what I may have said between 1994-1999), but for me personally, I hated this last year. There were high points- my sister got married, had her first child, I started the year employed and with benefits, had a working vehicle...then time passed. Cars stopped working. I stopped working. Money was scarce for most of us. Just before Christmas, our grandmother passed away (she would have been 73 this past Sunday, also my sister's 25th) and least of all, I've had a cold for nearly a week. And strange dreams, about apocalypse, demonic possession, and things that go boom in the night. And that was just last night. I blame it all on the constant near-disaster that was 2012. Hell, I'll even throw in there that 2012 sucking so much ass is why none of us got to see The Great Gatsby on Christmas day, like we were supposed to have. Parle à mon cul, 2012. Hasta la pasta and good riddance.
That said, I mourn the shortness of the holiday season. Perhaps because we always seem to wind up postponing it, so the feelings have passed, when the rest has been dragged on. I mean, Rudolph just doesn't have the same feel in January as he does in December. And don't even get me started on how I missed every hour of "24 Hours of A Christmas Story." This year, our family Christmas is Jan 20. A week before my birthday. I miss the good old days of holiday stress involving not getting all the cookies made on time, will we be late for the party at granny's house, are my warmest pajamas clean?! Having to feign holiday cheer for an extra damn month is not tops on my list of "shit I really want to do." And don't get me wrong, I adore Christmas. All the happiest memories of my childhood seem to gather between December 23-25. I'm especially fond of Christmas Eve-eve, where anticipation is highest, bonfires are being lit, fireworks purchased, and granny was still making her fudge, Mexican wedding cookies, and punch. My goodness....I could drown happily in that punch. That said, I seem to be indulging in much more bah, humbug the older I get, and the more things change.
My hopes for our upcoming holiday celebration are cookies, pizzas, pretzels dipped in chocolate, presents, holiday cartoons, butane for the heater, my cold to be long gone, all of us having the ability to be there, and poor Moo juice will finally get to open her gifts, like she was promised to do 3 days ago. And as for 2013, I hope Christmas happens WHEN IT DAMN WELL SHOULD this year, that we're all prepared, that things in general look up for all of us, and for the love of gingy, no.more.funerals. the last two years have been difficult in that regard, and I think our family deserves a break. Also, I hope to not have a cold, because seriously, this thing is rough.
Happy new year. Hope it's lovelier than you've hoped for :)

October Loves

I am so glad summer is finito. I hate hate HATE summer. Perhaps if I lived in L.A., not La., where temps year-round were not sweltering and too muggy to breathe, my opinion would change. However, I live in the temperate region I refer to as Satan's Taint. It's as unpleasant as that sounds.

Gladly, October has arrived, cooled things down enough to be bearable, so I am in a better mood, and thinking about the things I am loving now. First up, a new favorite blog. Beauty in Budget is written by Teresa, who regularly scours drugstores, Target, Ulta, Sally's and the internet, for the best deals in beauty. Her philosophy, that being thrifty does not equal being stuck with low-quality products, is a smart one. Her reviews are honest, especially helpful if you are a dry-skinned gal (but don't let that deter you! I'm oily and find her reviews insightful for my issues too), and her writing style reads like a chat from your very knowledgeable friend. She also shares her monthly gets from Birchbox, offers giveaways, and reviews any higher end products she receives (as either gifts or with great discounts.) If you love makeup, want to know where your dollars would be best spent, follow her blog. http://beautyinbudgetblog.wordpress.com/ 

Keeping in the budget theme, we move from the vanity to the kitchen. Our eating habits of late have left much to be desired. Frozen pizzas, drive thru, repeat...I'm sick of the same ol same ol. So I made a list one night, based on things we already have around the house, and built a menu from there. The two main aspects of this are 1) will this meal provide leftovers, and 2) are the ingredients able to be used more than once. I call that stretching. And it has changed how I cook. In the past, leftovers either went to waste, or don't exist (on chicken pot pie or enchilada nights, especially.) Now, I am planning leftovers. It's not quite once a month cooking, which I think my kitchen is currently too messy/disorganized/small to make work, but it's in that vein. I keep in mind the number of servings, what goes with the main, and will I be ok eating this more than twice a month? Because a nice pot of red beans and rice is great, but it's not my favorite, so the thought of eating it frequently does not set my heart aflutter. Which might be a shame, I do make really good red beans. It is on my list of to be mades, so sometime before this month is over, we will have some and freeze the rest. My goal is to stay out of WalMart as much as possible, not spend a ton on food, and stretch things as far as I can. I have a list of meals to make, how many servings they will provide, and I have tried to assign them to a day, so I can see how far they will go. It hasn't exactly worked out that way, because so far, two meals went to the freezer, and two more were eaten later in the night, or for lunch the next day. However, I feel I am on the right track, since starting this we have only spent about 200 on groceries, and I know I have enough to finish this month, and stretch into November. Fingers crossed that we make it to November 7th. Probably a lofty goal, but with careful planning, I see no reason why not :) I have a few other culinary favorites right now, but I am saving those for a possible future giveaway, so subscribe and stay tuned!

The other loves of my autumn are pretty much required for this time of year. Halloween, pumpkins, candy, nicer weather...the usual. I loved Halloween as a kid. I was always very shy, but putting on a costume seemed to help some of that float away, at least for the night. I love the holidays, despite their inherent insanity, so this time of the year is like the best of both- fun days are coming, but things haven't gotten nutso stressful just yet. And fun sized chocolate everything is everywhere. Love that! ;)

So Much For That

That job I posted about last.....not happening. Part of me is irritated as shit by this, another part very much "when one door closes, another opens," and yet another part is bothered by the lack of jobs in my line of experience, and the fact that I should have gone to school, oh, twelve years ago.

So for now, I am scouring the local job sites, hoping to find something above minimum wage, maybe with various benefits. Close to the house would be lovely. What I want to do with my life is still unclear, which is why I did not go skipping off to higher learning in August of 1999. I have ideas but lack direction. Maybe this was easier for women sixty years ago, but I don't necessarily want to go that route. I'd like to retire with some money to my name, but the way I'm going, it'll only happen if I win the lottery. So back to the drawing board, annoyed, kind of sad and confused, and really tired of being broke. I have a real problem with wanting to progress right fucking now, because most of my life has been stalled since I got out of high school. Engaged for four years, no degrees, no nice place to live, no kids...I am utterly frustrated and hoping I figure out a way to change it. Soon.

Summer So Far

Unemployment, relationship woes, non-working vehicle- so this is my summer. Let me clarify: April, I quit my job because my ovaries are bitchfaces. May, I broke up with the fiance and then convinced him we should reconsider the break. We are back together. My car overheated and stopped working on my way home from Lafayette, and hopefully will be repaired soon. I waited almost 2 months for my dad to come take a look. Mechanic dad is, in my imagination, as good as doctor dad or dentist dad or carpenter dad. If he were "mechanic-I'll never make spaghetti again in my life-here's some money for all the years you never got an allowance, aka 'all of your childhood'-I quit watching Fox News because fear mongering and lies are not cool-I have a magic box that makes appear before you any food you could ever want" dad, well, I might have to move back home. But I hate spaghetti. And Fox News. But I love my dad, and can usually count on him to maybe not agree with my food/social oddities, but understand them, because he's pretty much the same. Hell, I had to get it somewhere. I will say this- he is very odd where cheese is concerned. I am the same way with my fruits and veggies, so perhaps I should not go "ok, weirdo," next time he's all "how can you eat THAT <points to slice of Swiss cheese I'm shoving into my face gap> straight from the fridge? At least melt it first!" Ok, weirdo.

Perhaps the second biggest thing of the season for me is Pinterest. I have become a pinning fool. I'm also considering starting a Dirty and Girly Pin page, but then I would get even less done, and I have to sleep at some point. Someone mentioned if they were paid to pin, they'd be rich. I'm approaching that faux income bracket quickly myself. I think I'm over 600. If one received five dollars per pin, that'd be 3,000 dollars. I'm willing to sign up for this. Other things I am considering are a mobile beauty service (I watch too much Jerseylicious. And I would need to go to beauty school. But it's a goal!) and possibly start working towards a degree in Pre K-3 education. It is hard to get a teaching job in this area, however. And I doubt "opening a homeschool" counts or is even a good idea. But since I was about 4, I claimed I would teach kindergarten during the school year, cut hair during the summer. I keep going back to those two, possibly because Vet school is 8 years total. And I would like to finish before I'm 40.

The biggest of all.....my newest niece! Kaitlyn Elizabeth, born July 8. She was not due to meet us until August 4, but she decided earlier was better. Hopefully she keeps that in her little bag of virtues; my mother is late to everything but work and dessert. This has somewhat trickled down to my sister and me. The day we show up to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner before everyone has eaten is record-shattering. Kaitlyn, our little early bird, is also the first July baby in a while for the family. She is sweet, calm, smiley, intrigued by whatever may be going on around her, and completely photogenic. I don't say this as any sort of bitchy remark, but babies are not generally a pretty lot. Unless you find raisins and aliens pretty. There are plenty of cute babies, and I can think of one gorgeous baby (to whom I am also related, my little Brookey, sweet west-coast cousin) but Kaitlyn, she is so pretty.

And don't tell me I'm biased, this kid is clearly ready to take the world by storm. After her nap.

I am allegedly starting a new job soon, so I plan to blow most of my income on getting out of debt. And nail polish. And on the Nyx website. And books. And magazines. And probably cheese. Now I intend to look forward to fall, and hoping that it's going to be a cool one. A frigid one.
Praying for a September blizzard,
-C

A Visit to Dinnah

Some days you just need to punch someone in their teeth. Sadly, this isn't always the best idea (if, for instance, you actually kind of like the person you sometimes want to slug) so let's pretend I am not giving that as "good advice for relieving stress." Forgotten? Good. Since I was having one of those days last week, I decided a quick getaway was in order. So I went to my first choice, mom and dad's. Which would be great, except their idea of good food is chicken strips 3 ways, and they have spiders. Huge spiders. No thank you sir. After a day, I'd had enough of the wilderness of my childhood home, and decided to head further south to visit my bff, whom I call Dinnah, even though she prefers Anna. She accepts she will forever be Dinnah, and this is part of why I keep her around.

If you have never been to Lafayette, La, you should drop what you're doing and make plans to go. Now. Sure, everyone knows about New Orleans, and N.O. is just fine, sure, but Lafayette is like that, but without the sewage smell. (this will piss people off, but to me, New Orleans has always smelled like toilet. Sorry...that New Orleans smells...) Ok, and there is no French Quarter, no Bourbon Street, no crazy, touristy attractions that I know of. Really, if you want good food and entertainment and not to feel like a total fish out of water, you want Laffy. I <3 Lafayette. I could come here just for the grocery stores and still consider my trip a smashing, riotous good time. I found Maggi seasoning here! That was a big, huge deal to me, but I'm a bit nerdy. And I really need that bottle of Maggi seasoning. If they had a Penzey's here, I'd make plans to relocate, pdq.

Most of this trip has found me alone at Dinnah's while she's at work, which is fine as I'm awesome at self-entertaining (and have been since long before smart phones came along, so ha.) I have ventured out into traffic alone, which could be terrifying (the drivers here are my only complaint. They're awful. Slow the hell down and remove your phone from your head and your head from your ass, you're no more important than anyone else on this road, I'd like to get my groceries and back home in one piece please and thanks.) However, I braved it alone/with gps, and made it back. Success. I made it there and back and with macarons. Triple success. Sucre macarons. Move over, space explorers, I just discovered shit that will blow you out of orbit. So, maybe the current macaron craze is overrated. You could probably spread cold fudge frosting on the flat side of a meringue kiss and voila, trailer park macaron. Problem is, those are not fancy, Marie Antoinette did not have access to the Pilsbury Doughboy's hydrogenated, chocolately wares, and I don't live in a damn trailer park. You go for the real ones when you want to feel fancy; you eat the knockoffs when you're willing to debase yourself for the nine dollars it takes just to get six of those bad boys.

How do I know you get six for $9? I'm really, really good at math. Really. 

This trip hasn't been all "Who the bleep Did I Marry?!" marathons and fancy French cookies; no. There has also been jalapeno kettle chips, cheese pizza, cheese pizza rolls, raspberry danish, lots of yogurt, Amy's macaroni and cheese, and these two bits of awesome-

Athena's lentil soup. I had not had lentil soup before I had this lentil soup, and the ones since are not as good. Our tradition is lunch or dinner at Athena's soon after arrival. I get a chicken shawerma wrap. We split a plate of halloumi, we laugh, have extremely loud conversations, talk about who would be most put off by getting a hookah for Christmas/birthday/just because, and generally catch up on everything, because we don't see each other often enough. P.s., if you ever hear someone complain they wasted money on halloumi cheese because "it doesn't melt like it's supposed to," laugh your ass off at them, and don't feel bad. Then break out some food snob knowledge and be like "you raging buffoon, you grill it, not melt it. Melting ain't what it's made for." They might not thank you for dropping that wisdom bomb, but do you really wanna hang out with someone who spends ten dollars on a block of perfectly good cheese that they had no idea wasn't for melting, then bitched about it? No? Me neither. Anyway, Athena's- yes please. They also have fruit and nut Toblerone, and for that, my firstborn may well be named Athena.

Shrimp fajitas! These were actually supposed to be quesadillas, but some random act of miscommunication (and not the language barrier, tyvm) sent this massive pile of fajitas our way. So, so good, but Dinnah and I agree, no more shrimp for 85 years, at least. I had a similar experience this past Easter with seafood enchiladas. A recipe I should really post, as they were so tasty, but also so rich that I could only eat one. Normally, I'm a 2-3 enchilada gal. But normal enchiladas aren't full of crab and shrimp and chiles verde and Cacique crema and tons of cheese. I just gained 3 pounds typing that. 

So my time here has almost come to an end, I can't be mad, or sleep on Dinnah's couch forever, and I miss Sophie. And I have some fruit back home that is begging to be made into something yummy. If you have a bff in a faraway place, you should make plans to see them. Bonus points if you don't visit/text/call often. Go now, they probably have really good Greek food  waiting for you!

Hey There

Been a minute! A lot has transpired since March, I quit my job, going through some health issues, moved back in with the fiance (gah, gah, gaaaaaaaaaaaah), and I'm trying to remain positive throughout, but I'm not the most sunshiney gal, so it's a challenge. I'm also trying to figure out which career path is the one I should finally commit to, and my former high school seems to only employ people with their heads up their asses, as they never understand me when I say "Hi, I need proof that I received my GED. It was in '99." I hear crickets. I am told "can I call you tomorrow?" and tomorrow has yet to arrive. Lots of things are pissing me off currently.

In happier news, I keep hitting up Lowes' garden department, and last time, found some decent items on sale. My biggest win was a rose bush (in gorgeous bloom!!!) for 6 dollars. Originally, it was about 15. I also got a $1 wave petunia and yellow celosia, which I might have killed. Poor little celosia :( Last bit of the haul are two bags of glads, one pink and the other a yellow and purple mix. I'm still waiting on a package from Park Seed with some more sale items, the ones I look most forward to are the green zinnias. To go with my purple ones. I love zinnias, they are the first flowers I ever successfully started from seed and transplanted (which is not necessity, they are so easy to grow!) I find myself on a purple flower kick this year, wanting to pair them with green and white. Which sounds a little Barney-esque, but they aren't grape and....Barney green....so I am not worried that my flowerbeds will look like some overly affectionate singing dinosaur.

My big household goal for the spring is to clean off the front porch. As nasty as this house is (to me), it has a lovely porch, with a swing, and is mostly screened. When we first moved in with Brian's mom, we hung out on the porch all the time. Mostly because it was more tolerable than being inside without air conditioning. And the swing. I would also like to build (or have *someone* else build, heehee), a lattice structure for my vining flowers. I have 2 kinds of morning glories, moonflower, and passion flower. I hope the mix of all these smells as good as I imagine. And I look forward to the crazy looking passion flower blooms, and the changing floral display between the early blooming morning glories and the night blooming moonflowers. I am considering putting the passion flowers in a container and putting them somewhere they can be alone, but we'll see.

I hope the house is full of flowers all summer long :) And also that I finally grow a few vegetables.